Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize