I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
