i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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