Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
