I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
