I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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