he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
