my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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