first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize