We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
