Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
