i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
