I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
