Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
