I smell stomach acid.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
