When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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