I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize