Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
