btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
