btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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