I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize