There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
