I showed him my bush... on skype.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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