Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
