I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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