so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
