No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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