Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
