Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
