End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
