Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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