Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
