i think i have two assholes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
