can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
