who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
