someone threw a dead crab at me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
