Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
