THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
