I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
