Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
