Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Panties = found
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
