We left an ass print on the piano.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
