Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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