I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
