I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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