hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
