My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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