He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
