Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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