My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
