i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
