I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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