Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
