His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
