She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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