at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
