guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
