I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
