my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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