Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
