i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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