1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
