How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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