you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
