We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
