if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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