it wasn't lemon gatorade
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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