oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You are the jesus of drinking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
