I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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