i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
