She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
