my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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