You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
