Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you have to choose: penises or morals?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
