That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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